What am I going to be on Halloween? Hopefully the same weight I was when my
husband bought eight pounds of Halloween candy four weeks ago!
Yes, it’s that time of year; the Eating Holiday Season is once again upon us. Some believe that the weight-gain holidays begin with Thanksgiving and end with a New Year’s Day brunch. But the reality is that they begin the day the
Halloween candy is purchased.
We all have our reasons for eating—and OCCASIONALLY hunger is even one of them.
Having had a weight problem earlier in my life, I know that I’m only a few ‘what the hells’ away from having another as I get older.
Here are a few tricks I’ve used over the years to avoid having to make the cliché New Year’s resolution to lose weight.
Rule #1: Don’t buy Halloween candy early.
Rule #2: Only buy candy you hate.
Rule #3: Around 8:30 PM give a group of teens all the remaining candy and shut out the lights.
Rule #4: Get even with the idiots at work who bring their leftover candy to the office. They pretend they are doing the office a favor; but you and I know better. The truth is they weren’t smart enough to follow Rule #3 and are selfish and sadistic individuals who want to make others suffer. The best way to deal with these people is to hide their computer mouse and/or stapler every day for a week. It will make them absolutely crazy and the stress will cause them to eat everything in sight—mission accomplished. Your inner laughter will help your brain generate additional serotonin so you will not crave the offending items sitting in the office kitchen. Warning: Beware of security cameras.
Ok, so you’ve managed to follow rules #1 through #4 successfully, now what do you do about the remaining two months of the Eating Holiday Season?
Unfortunately these final two months can be treacherous for those of us who have to pay attention to calories in and calories out.
Here are a few tips to get you through these months with minimal damage.
Tip #1: Unless you are on the way to the gym, the only elastic waistbands in your life should be your underwear or your Depends. If it hurts to breath, you are less likely to feel hungry or overeat.
Tip #2: Live with the mindset of ‘eating to live, not living to eat.’ If that means putting a picture of some imaginary kid from Biafra on your refrigerator, do it!
Tip #3: Let other people take the leftovers home from the party. That includes Thanksgiving Dinner. If you ‘must’ have a turkey sandwich for the next day, take just enough to make 1 sandwich and NOTHING MORE. Pecan pie is NOT a sandwich ingredient!
Tip #4: If you host Thanksgiving, don’t let a single guest follow Tip #3—make them clean out your refrigerator before you move the car that has mysteriously parked them in.
Tip #5: Alcohol is food. Just because the bottle has the brand ‘Skinny Girl’ on it, does not mean the more you drink the skinnier you get! If you plan to drink, only eat low calorie foods, and for everyone’s sake, DON’T DRIVE.
Tip #6: Eggnog and coffee drinks have been proven to be the sole cause of cellulite, organ failure and sexual dysfunction. Avoid them at all costs.
Tip #7: The people who persistently insist that you eat more or ‘just try’ something, are only looking for a fatter person to sit next to on the beach next summer. Don’t fall for it! Then invite them to the beach.
Copyright 2012 Cheryl Tully Stoll